Tongue Tied

Even though I've been updating my 365 project regularly, for whatever reason, the words here won't come.

I'm tongue-tied.

We have had some major shifts happen in December. Blogging used to be cathartic for me in situations where I deeply needed release, but lately all I've wanted to do is curl up in a cozy ball and just be. After being completely broken and pieced together again, there have been some intense moments of healing for my mama soul, time spent inward, time spent recovering. Thankfully, all is starting to look up and things are getting better day by day. I'm wondering if I just keep forcing myself to sit at my desk and type if the words will eventually start to flow again. I'm not sure - only time will tell, I suppose.

As for this little family of mine, we are feeling so warm and loved up and its just the most incredible thing. The love I have for Erick and the girls buzzes through me like golden honey. They are my everything and I am so lucky. So, so lucky.

I've been contemplating lots of things: rebranding my photography, finding clients in a new city, going to the beach, starting a yoga practice again at home [just did a nice and easy flow today, so tick that one off the list!]... it seems endless. But it's all well and good. They're happy things. They're the light-my-fire important things. Those are the ones worth pondering.

How are you?

The small few of you that pop in every once and a while, thank you. 

My heart is grateful for so much.

More than ever, I've been reminded to pause and find joy in the present moment.

Grateful

It's hard to believe I'm nearly three years into my breastfeeding journey with Alba.

From the beginning, I always told myself that I would continue to provide for my children - if I were able - until they no longer showed interest or told me they were done. Nothing would be forced. There were no hard or fast rules.

I'm currently lying here in the bed sandwiched between my two girls during their nap time. I've just nursed Alba to sleep and she is finally tired enough to release her latch and allow me to sneak out of the bed...

but today I can't bring myself to go.

I've been just staring at these two marvelous humans Erick and I made. I'm staring in awe. 

I know I'm not the only crazy parent to do this sort of thing every once and a while either, so if you're there with me, yes you, then I know you can appreciate this moment.

Their papa is in London and today is his birthday. There are leftover In-N-Out shakes on the table because, seriously. How could I not? It's been a week of solo parenting after a long stretch of anything but normal: moving, holidays, traveling, time apart, general disheveled-ness.

And more than anything today, I am reminded over and over again how grateful I am for the regular, the mundane, the boring routines. Where we are all together doing nothing and everything all at the same time.

I'm grateful for being able to still nurse my (no longer) baby for nearly three years.

I'm grateful for this new life we've made in a new city, in a new state.

It's kind of like the sun warming you from the inside out.

I can feel it all over.

Pictures of recently enjoyed things...

The last few months for our little family has been a blur.

From August through January we have been thrown to the wind, not quite sure of our direction or when we would land. This year brought challenges, unexpected surprises, tests of will and patience, but through it all we had each other. Now that the complete and utter (happy) chaos that was the holidays is over, I have been able to sit and reflect on just what an insanely tremendous year it all was.

After hearing news of Erick's interviews in August, we decided to put house-hunting on hold in hopes of a possible move across the country. Flash-foward to a few weeks later in October and we were booking flights for the two of us to try to secure a home in California with little to no preparation. Oh, if moving isn't the most ridiculously difficult and rewarding journey, I don't know what is! Then on the very last day of the month, after having just two short weeks to say our goodbyes, we landed with suitcases in hand and loads full of hope.

There were weeks and weeks of eating our meals on the floor, sleeping on air-beds, pitching tents in the living room and wearing the same pieces of clothing for days on end. The moving truck with all our belongings was delayed, and we relied heavily on the love we had for each other, trusting our journey, and attempting to not take ourselves (or our situation!) too seriously.

I travelled back and forth on my own in November for jobs I had booked before before the move, and when I returned, I was ecstatic to learn our things had finally arrived. Hallelujah! And then the fun truly began... unpacking it all. Good lord. We still had a few straggling boxes shoved in corners and closets, but most everything was done in time for us to fly back for the holidays. I was proud.

December.

Quite possibly the craziest month of them all. I was very new to the whole 'booking flights home for Christmas' deal, so when I realized the longer I waited to buy, the higher the prices kept soaring, I finally chose my ticket dates and closed my eyes, held my breath, and clicked 'complete purchase.' Ouch to our pocketbooks. I chose the two cheapest flights to arrive and depart, meaning based on the off-peak dates I had chosen, I ended up giving myself a whole month back in Chicago for the holidays. While it was an amazing opportunity to spend time with both sides of our family, I probably wouldn't book that long of a stay again without renting a car or having a break from the overwhelmingly business of the season.

It feels so good to be home.

I can say that now, right? That this is home? California is a dream. I feel so incredibly fortunate to live in a place that speaks to my soul and vibrates every cell of my being. When I'm here, I feel like the best version of myself. And there is truly something to be said about being somewhere where no one knows you, has preconceived opinions about you, or is in anyway able to interfere directly with your life. Starting over does come with its fair share of challenges too, especially in terms of marketing my business to new clients or watching my children eagerly trying to make new friends. The beginning of this new year is truly a blank slate for all of us-- in every sense of the word!

Crisp, clear, and ready to be woven with new stories.

- - 

To continue taking a peek into our photo-a-day for this coming year, pop on over to These Are The Days.

Half moon bay

Photos from a recent trip at dusk to an overcast half moon bay.

It was colder than we had anticipated, and we ended up missing out on the sun setting as everything was completely engulfed by misty, blue clouds. Quite moody! For years and years I've always dreamed of living by the ocean, granted we're not steps away from the beach, but we are closer than I've ever been in my lifetime and of course we're taking full advantage.

I can feel my true inner aquarian come out as I hear the roar of the waves and first feel the salt air kiss my skin...

I am home here.

And oh so lucky to be able to truly call this place just that.

Starting at the beginning again

I have many goals for myself this coming year, and one of them was regaining my presence here online.

The new year fills me with hope and the promise of new beginnings. It's a time where I strive to push further, into the very best version of myself. 

I've started two personal projects this year which make my heart sing, and hopefully I'm able to explain more onto why shooting daily has become so important to me, my growth and my wellbeing. 2016 is going to be a wonderful year and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead.

Happy days to you all!

These are the days - a 365 project
52 Saturday Mornings - joining in on a new spin on the original